I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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