I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
