Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
