I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
