he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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