Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
