All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
