Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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