new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is the high leading the old right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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