Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
