I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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