I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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