He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
