belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
