then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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