Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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