i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
