Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize