he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
