Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
