She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
