I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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