Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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