soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
