so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
