Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
