And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
