Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
