so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
