You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
