Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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