defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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