I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
