i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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