i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
