I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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