you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize