end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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