last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You did what with his pubic hair?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
