Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
