Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
