I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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