$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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