I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
