She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
