guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize