I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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