once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
