the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
