I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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