if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
