Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
