I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
