I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
