Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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