I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize