I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Porn is love you can see.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
