Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
