So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
