david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
