Say something about gay babies.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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