So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
