So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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