so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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