I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
