1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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