i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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