so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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