I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
