I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
