Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
