i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
pop tarts are not kleenex
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
