dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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