i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize