in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
