U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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