Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
